Suddenly I'm not sure how this blog relates to self-care, except that part of my self-care is the feeling that on a tough day the car gives me the freedom to drive somewhere beautiful, or somewhere that a friend lives, or somewhere that is just 'else'. When I go all the way to Cambridge to see a friend, I feel like Thelma and Louise rolled into one (minus the man and the dramatic ending). Trapped in the house over half-term with a boy who was too stressed after his seven weeks of school to go anywhere, I dreamed of escape, but kept remembering that I couldn't drive off into the sunset even if I wanted to, because the car would judder all the way and possibly grind to a complete halt. (I did actually catch a train into the Brighton sunset at the end of the week off, so don't feel too sorry for me.) And while we've been making the decision about pouring money into keeping the car alive, I've been aware that our decision-making process is one free of expectations of 'normal' or 'generally acceptable'. And that's a gift from my three kids. Yes, sometimes I feel trapped and stuck and lost and sad, and always I feel slightly crazy, but on so many levels, they have set me free.
Thanks boys. You make me crazy, but you make me me.